Last [Kageyama Tobio x Reader]

Warning: Profanity, angst((???))

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Last

Although you couldn’t exactly pinpoint the cardinal reason, you were pretty fucking sure you were head-over-heels with the raven haired setter. In the event that you did try, though, a myriad of possibilities never fail to present themselves. One was the way a trace of tenderness would slip through his otherwise gruff voice whenever you were down, as though he could tell that you weren’t alright in spite of how much fake smiles you wore. On a related note, you think that the reason might also be his smile. It was such a rare occurrence that you could tell each time his lips would curve up, it was genuine. The one you suspect the most, however, was the way he loved. There was something about being the receiving end of the black-haired grouch’s affection – the allure, the bliss.

If only he could love something other than a volleyball, that’d be great!

Nonetheless, you still adored Kageyama Tobio, and tonight was your last chance to ever tell him. The evening after every graduation, the freshmen and juniors would set up a huge bonfire as a send-off ceremony for the seniors. ‘Gala’ was what the students commonly called it. Basically, it was an excuse for the students to spend school funds on finger food, to pretend that they actually care about the people who’ve finally resurfaced from the hell that is school, and to party their asses off without getting in trouble. The program usually starts with a speech given by the student council president that no one actually listens to, followed by the lighting of the bonfire, then finally some kind of rendition of a 90’s industrial rave. In other words, it’d probably suck.

Sure enough, you initially thought that there was no goddamned way that Kageyama would attend; until, of course, a not-so-reliable reliable informant told you otherwise (*cough* Hinata *cough*). Apparently, the entire volleyball team had given him hell for not wanting to attend. You were told the words ‘killjoy,’ ‘tight-ass,’ and ‘heartless’ were uttered in a persistent repeat until the setter popped. You made a mental note to each and every one of the team members.

Before that, though, you had to make sure to look your best. If you were gonna confess, you might as well go big. Sure, you were well aware that, given his unbearable denseness, Kageyama wouldn’t even be able to tell the difference not-wearing-any makeup you, wearing-makeup you, and slathered-shit-on-your-face you. Nevertheless, you still opted to actually try, holding on to that miniscule chance that he’d actually notice.

So there you were, wading through the corpulent masses of people who were simultaneously trying and failing to dance, in hopes of finding Kageyama Tobio; or at least someone who might know where he was. Half an hour into combing through each strobe-lit corner and crevice of this bedlam, the sharp-eyed boy’s presence still persisted to elude you. At this point in time, you were goddamned sure at least half-a-dozen bruises had been littered across your skin because of the crowd’s apparent desire to blitzkrieg you  by bumping into you in the most inopportune times. Once, you could’ve sworn that you caught a glimpse of Kageyama’s familiar matt of hair, but no! This one asshole who seemed to be having an epileptic attack rather than to be dancing accidentally slammed into you. How he could still remain upright while you were shot down the moment you came in contact with him, you did not know.

In that moment, you could recall being in the cusp of shouting at who-ever-the-fuck bumped into you, being in the cusp of calling out Kageyama’s name, being in the cusp of allowing tears to fall from your eyes. But you did none of those things. Instead, you stood up and continued looking.

You have to tell him, you reminded yourself. You have to tell him.  

It was already well into the night by the time you heard as overly-chipper voice call out to you. You didn’t need to look at the owner in order to know who it was. Without a second lost, Hinata traipsed towards you. Once close enough, he pulled you out of the crowd and into the dugout. By the way he looked at you, you were pretty sure no good news was about to be delivered. Sure enough, he clapped his hands together over his head, whilst apologizing profusely.

“I’m really, really, really, REALLY SORRY.”

Although you could already take a guess as to what the actual fuck he was sorry about, you asked anyway. “About what?”

“He already left. I’M SO SORRY, I TRIED TO STOP HIM, AND, AND-“

“It’s okay,” you said, even though the spate of beats in your chest proved otherwise. “Do you know which way he went?”

He shrugged. After shooting Hinata a reassuring smile, you bolted towards the main gate. Midway through, it felt as though your lungs were on fire, and the rapid beating in your chest were but a few wisps away from bursting. However, you paid it no mind. The only thing that ran through your head was ‘Please,’ as if, if said enough, would magically make Kageyama materialize in front of you. No such thing happened.

When you arrived at the vicinity of the gate, though, you were met by nothing but a thinned group of students, but Kageyama was nowhere to be seen.

You missed him.

You were too late.

And then you were running yet again. This time, you had no set destination. You just ran. Through the classrooms, up and down the stairs, through the halls. Before you could stop yourself, a shriek made its way from your throat through the resounding walls of the empty school, but it was soon swallowed by the music from the bonfire in the courtyard – a futile, wordless plea.

The moment you could no longer run was the moment you began to cry.

‘If only,’ you realized, tended to begin the saddest sentences. Etched in those two words was a profound regret, longing, and the thinnest sheet of an unattainable what-if. All the thoughts that ran through our mind that night seemed to begin only with ‘If only.’

If only you were brave enough.

If only you confessed to him sooner.

If only you’d told him that you love him.

If only, if only, if only…

You felt so stupid. What was the point of dolling yourself up for the first time in a really long time? What was the point of looking for him amidst dozens and dozens of people? What was the point of running like there was no tomorrow to the point of utter exhaustion? What was the point if you couldn’t even tell him?

Ever since you discovered that you were in love with him, you’d been constantly postponing this confession. Always getting cold feet. Always coming up with excuses. Always hating yourself afterwards for being too fucking much of a coward to tell the person you love just how much he means to you.

Fuck this world.

But that was when you’d heard it – the familiar melody of rubber clashing with wood.  Before you knew it, you were already up and running towards the sound. For the umpteenth time today, you could feel your heart beat loudly against your chest once you were met with the gym’s doors. With a single huff of breath and one last string of hope, you entered the gym.

You could’ve sworn your heart did an acrobatic pirouette the moment you laid eyes on him. In that second, it seemed as though time passed at more gradual rate than it normally would have. He was midair. You could clearly see how the gale blew through jet-black tufts of his hair, and how the joy was ensconced across his eyes that never failed to remind of you of the night sky. His smile seemed to only grow brighter the moment his hand came in contact with the ball. You would’ve given anything in exchange for seeing him like this everyday.

Then, you released the breath you didn’t realize you were holding once the ball rolls towards you. Kageyama, soon after, spots you from where you were standing. A trace of worry dusts his features. Goddammit, you must’ve looked like a bride abandoned at the isle, tear-cheeks and all.

“You look like crap,” he said sans filter. Just like always.

“Geez, thanks. I’m glad you liked the new look. New stage of life, new me, am I right?” you replied, sarcasm dripping in each word. With trepidation, you grabbed the ball and walk towards him.

Soonafter, he plopped himself on the gym floor and you settled yourself beside him. For a while, silence was the only thing that encompassed the scant distance between the both of you. Unlike how it’d be with other people, though, silence with Kageyama was never strained. There was no immediate need to fill it, as if his presence was more than enough. It was he, however, who cracked the silence.

“You okay?”

“Pretty much.”

“Oh.”

He didn’t ask why. Typical Kageyama. But that was what you liked about him. Hardly anyone ever noticed it because he was the grumpiest little shit you’ve ever known, but he threaded around people carefully.

“Hinata said you left,” you began.

“Uh, yeah. I mean, I was supposed to, but then I stopped by the gym-“

You scoffed.

“What?” he interposed with pleasant annoyance.

“You really are a volleyball idiot,” you laughed.

“Shut up,” he mumbled under this breath. If you hadn’t known any better, you would’ve thought he was flustered.

“But that’s why I like you,” you said before you could stop yourself.

Crap.

Crap, crap, crap. Your confession was NOT supposed to go like this. You could tell that you weren’t the only one who was uncomfortable. You heard him stiffen beside you. And you were sure that if you weren’t trying to avoid eye-contact at all costs, and if you’d actually look at him, his face would be just as red as yours.

It was he, again, who broke the silence. “You like me?”

Before you could register it, all your efforts of evading his gaze had been all for naught the moment you voluntarily turned to face him. There was something in the darkest pools of gray in his pupils – something you couldn’t quite place. You did, however, find consolation in the way a violent red encroached his cheeks.

“No, I don’t,” you deigned with small smile, half-curious as to how he’d react.

However, there was no trace of the relief you expected to see across his face. In fact, it was the opposite. Ever so slightly, his expression soured with each fleeting second you remained quiet. This, strangely, gave you more courage that you could ever hope for.

“I don’t like you, Kageyama-“

“I heard you the first ti-” He motioned to stand up, but you were having none of it. You pulled him back down by the hem of his shirt. Much to your chagrin, he landed much closer to you than you’d expected. Nonetheless, you continued.

“No, LET ME FINISH, DUMBASS.

“Iloveyou.” You knew you were probably just imagining it but you could presently hear your blood flow at an exhilarated pace within your head.

You did it.

You motherfucking did it.

Frankly, you couldn’t quite tell what Kageyama was thinking. He had his signature scowl plastered across his face, but simultaneously he was sporting the brightest blush across his cheeks. Surprisingly enough, he began to diminish the already miniscule distance between the both of you. For a short while, you thought that you were just delusional, but then you realized that loss of depth perception, in fact, was not a side effect of love. Probably.

What was a side effect of love was hastened heartbeats. And, oh boy, was your heart beating alright. It seemed to only grow more prominent and faster with each iota his face traveled towards yours.

“Can I?” He practically whispered against your lips, as if you could bring yourself to refuse.

You couldn't help but grin before you closed the final breadth of distance that came between your lips. Then that was it. That was all it took to jettison your mind in cloud-nine, mottling your perception with the brightest dins of hues. His pervading breath, his absolving touch, his permeating warmth – you needed all of it as though it was a finite amount of air. You couldn’t just stop inhaling it in, because it was a necessity, but it felt as though it could all disappear at any moment.

All you could do, really, was breathe.

His hands found perch in each sides of your cheek, pulling you deeper into his heat. Your own pair burrowed deep into the softness of his hair. Just like that, you held one another close, and closer, and closer, and even when it seemed nigh impossible to so, you held him closer and so did he to you.

This, you realized, must be what it felt like to feel all the great things in the world at once.

[END]